The scripture at church was basically about “shame on you for not investing in the soil, you hastily dismissed its potential.” That’s what I decided it meant, anyway. um yeah -thanks for dissing me!
Now, I know that one should not have these thoughts. I know that one should wish all people the best wishes, no matter what. But I also know that one has to get over heart-breaking loss by going through some emotions, so god will forgive me for getting this out, then I’ll repair it by good thoughts - some day.
As I think the bad thoughts (may-your-hair-turn-pink and may-someone-pour-maple-syrup-in-your-gas-tank kinda thing) it feels justified and validating for about one second. Then it turns to harshness on me, like a raw sore throat that cannot be soothed. I don’t like the fire of my words and I know I’m getting singed, too. But it has to come out. And hey, if it makes me laugh later, then that one second is okay, I guess.
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